Why I haven't posted in ages

I've been back in Germany since July and I didn't post anything about coming back 'home' or any experiences that I had since then, because I had to sort things out with myself first. I'm not happy to be back, I still wish I could be in London more often (even though I visited twice since I left, one time only for a concert, the other time just because I could), but everything turned out to be fine in the end. It wasn't like this all along, I had serious troubles in the beginning, I got really depressed and anxious. People here are just different, the way they move and behave is the complete opposite to what I got used to in England and I don't know how I could handle this for so long (but I guess it's easy if you don't know any better). My life now is not perfect, in no way, but I'm going to uni now, studying English and soon Scandinavian Studies as well, found new friends and .. it's okay. It's better than okay, actually, it's good, I'm good. I'm still searching for a flat in Kiel, but I'm in no hurry whatsoever, so that's not too important either. I learnt to take things slow, to not rush into anything anymore, because most things I rush into aren't really things I want. I still talk to my english friends and generally the friends I met in England, so I guess that's what you call 'true friendship', right? Keeping up with each others lives even though there's a huge distance between you?
I'm glad I did the things exactly the way I did them, it was a great experience and I wouldn't have missed it for the world. I met great people, travelled to awesome places, had the chance to finally sort out my life.


I'm not sure if I want to keep this blog or not. On the one hand, there are a lot of things that I would like to share with the world, but on the other hand I'm not sure if this is still the right place to do it. I won't delete it, that's for sure, because it reminds me of old times, not necessarily better times, but times I don't want to forget either. I'll decide what I'm going to do soon, hopefully. In the meantime there's still my twitter, so you can get updates of my life if you want to. See you soon!

20. tomorrow.

Last year my birthday was rather pathetic. I was sitting in a room with a bunch of people, eating cake and having one of those conversations where you don't remember the actual subject, you just remember the awkward feeling. I didn't know what to say, I didn't want to say anything and I was incredibly glad when I was finally alone. I haven't talked to most of them in 11 months now, and I'm not sad about it anymore. Of course it's not the easiest thing to lose friends, but when you realise that you were only friends with them because you were used to it, it's quite easy to get over it. I'd rather pick my friends based on compatibility than the fact that I've known them for so long.
I'm in touch with the really important people nearly every day, and the ones I only talk to every once in a while might have lost a bit of their importance, but that doesn't change that I'll be there for them and they know it.
What I want to say is, I'm more than happy with the situation at the moment. It's one of the best feelings when a friend is more excited for your birthday than you are, just because they want to give you your gift and see you happy. A part of my family is on their way to visit me for my birthday, my hostkids are really excited to give me my cake and generally everyone has made such a big deal out of my birthday, even though I didn't ask for it. I didn't expect anything, but I got this, and it's so nice to know that I mean so much to them.
I'm so grateful that I'm able to have this experience, that I had the opportunity to sort of my life and my friends and be happy.

I am sorry.

'If you take pictures of yourself having fun at the club- then you're not having fun at the club.'


I think those words, whoever said them first, prove to be true in my case. I have literally the best time of my life over here - and no pictures to show it. The only pictures I ever take are pictures with my mobile, and if you want to, you can have a mobile-pictures-post soon, but I'm not too fond of it. Things might change when I'm back in Germany, but I'm not so sure if I want them to change. I really enjoy this way of living. I don't care, I don't think too much, I just live this moment and it's great.

(To be fair: I have to revise a LOT for the next ten days. It's not always pancakes and sunshine.)

But to keep you at least reasonably updated: I'm coming home on the 5th of July. See you soon.

friday

“Traveling forces you to trust strangers and to lose sight of all that familiar comfort of home and friends. You are constantly off balance. Nothing is yours except the essential things – air, sleep, dreams, the sea, the sky – all things tending towards the eternal or what we imagine of it.”

- Cesare Pavese

wovon ich euch nicht erzählt habe

-st paddys day
-unglaublich gutem wetter
-großartiger besuch
-tolle freunde
-wunderbare neue bücher
-meinem leben.
und bereu ich das? ich weiß nicht. im moment möchte ich mich nicht stressen. ich hab noch 3 monat übrig, von denen ich jede sekunde nutzen möchte. (was bedeutet dass ich fast nicht schlafe). ich bin so viel unterwegs und hab so viele pläne, dass das ganze vorhaben unmachbar scheint. aber das macht mir nichts. ich steiger mich da jetzt einfach rein, dann muss ich nicht über das zurück kommen nachdenken.
england? du wirst mich nie wieder loswerden. i promise.